marked for life..

Each one of us,no matter who we are,has a desire to leave our mark on the this world.a footprint in the sands of time,something that will remain even when we are gone...
I cudn't help feeling that i was leaving markon this world on the day i went to give bcg injection to the new born children in the post partum ward.it stated pretty routinely with the nurse asking for a volunteer from us unwilling interns to come with her to the wards..we kept passing the buck and the buck finally stopped on me AH JUST MY LUCK!! i thought as we went to the wards.
BCG;bacilli of calmette and guerin is an intradermal injection,given over the upper part of left arm.an immunisation against tuberculosis,it leaves a scar.giving bcg is a tricky thing but once u get the hang of it ,it is pretty ok..almost routine..my mind tends to wander when i do routine work-and i thought---
' this is my glorious destiny,in these fleeting moments of immunisation,i will leave an indelible mark on these children.they will grow to become engineers,super models,politicians..but will always carry the bcg mark given by me.me!'
i wondered who gave me the bcg mark..
i wondered how hitler must have felt when he branded ppl with the swastik.

my thoughts flew ,and grew and all of a sudden i was no more just an intern doing my job ,but a life altering force, shaping the future of new borns!!

When the cream turned sour...

I still remember the day i got my medical common entrance results... of the thousands who had appeared for the exam i was in the top 100.
i was going to join the elite group of doctors. study and train in the premier institute the state had to offer. in short i had achieved what all the school , college, classes teachers keep harping about "bache padhai karo tabhi to bade ho kar doctor ,engineer banoge." the quintessential indian middle class mentality.. i say middle class because the rich have enough money to put their kids in private colleges and the poor and underprivilidged,if they r privilidged to be from lower classes have reservetions. i say indian dream because only indians r still fixated abt the dr degree.
and so the journey started ..the voyage actually.
five and a half years later and i am still on the road to be a doctor.
after four years my engineer friends started earning..
after these five and a half years my Bsc plus mba degree friends have started talking of pay packets..
i have no complaints...but when i heard that our course is going to be extended to 6 and1/2 years.. that is when the cream started turning sour.

The day i got my common entrance results, the colony kids came asking..
didi what book to read, how many hours do u study, what do you eat...which classes did you join.
The first day of our med college our dean addressed us ..welcome u now belong to the cream of society. you were the best students in your respective schools , the meritorious scholars of your colleges and now you will be doctors... the CREME DE LA CREME.

five years hence i travel 3 hours to a health centre in a rural part of bombay called malvani, spend the morning seeing kids, elerly ppl, dispensing medicine, vaccinating kids, going into the homes talking about Aids, counselling pregnant women about nutrition .. travel back...and STUDY. i study in the train, in between patients , after coming back in the evening.. why? because my future is not secure. because i have yet another common entrance to give.. to be part of yet anothyer creme de creme society of the post graduates.. But the cream is slowly getting sour.

We already have one year of internship, in which we get i stipend of 1700 a month.. 2oooo a year.. which most of my own batch engineers earn in a month but i am ok with that.
when does the cream get sour? when the govt makes the internship for two years.. when our future is on hold for another year, or more.
people say.. but you like serving people, you are doctors you should serve people- yes , i care, but for 1700 a month ! and with an uncertain future! i care but at my own cost?! and why are doctors singled out to care for tyhe rural india?
people say that we will earn later in life...how much later ..i am 23, another year of internship 24..one year to prepare for entance ..25.. three years pgt..28... three years rural post graduate bond..31... setting up practice ... 35.
and we were the cream of society...

the many uses of hydrogen peroxide

hydrogen peroxide a valuable and versatile part of the dressing trolley..
let us expound on it's various uses..
1.hydrogen peroxide undergoes an exothermic reaction.
H2O2>> [O]+ H2O
the nascent oxygen acts as a bactericidal agent and the exothermic reaction has a styptic effect..
in short H2O2 is used by sugeons in a wound injury to act as an antibacterial as well as to stop bleeding.
2.H2O2 is also used as a chemical debidement agent since the effervescence of the reaction helps in separatinmg the slough ..so it is used by the surgeon in gangrenous wounds..
3. H2O2 is the all time favourite cleaning agent of the mama anfd maushis of the hospital..the come with there mops.spray H2O@ on the table chair floor curtains..basically every possible surface and all the blood stains start to froth..it is pretty exciting watching them make blood stains vanish..even we interns use it on our gloves or aprons.
4.and finally i found another use for H2O2 it is used to bleach hair..it helped me turn from a brunette to a blond...from black to gold ..
as i sat at the hair dressers salon wondering abt the various different chemicals ..she asked woild u like 20% peroxide or 30%peroxide ...and i felt right at home, now i know why they call paris hilton a peroxide blond..
the next time the hospital cleaning woman douses us all in H2O2 i can say 'maushi there is something common between u and jennifer aniston..would love to catch her expression..[:)]

intern nama..

internship is a religion..
a friend of mine has ramzan these days and he is keeping rozas..that is basically he cant have anything or drink water till 7 in the evening...
there r times when he is unable to study or even concentrate on anything ,out of sheer hunger or thirst.
now religion is a personal thing..it is ur journey of immortality ..or whatever. basically it is ur choice.
another friend of mine ,also a muslim does not keep rozas , but according to him it does not make him less of a devout.
one day i asked amir, who was keeping the fast and that day had been particularly gruelling... what is your motivation?

there r two reasons for doing anything in life
1. doing the task ,makes you happy.satisfied,a feeling of accomplishment.

2. not doing the task makes you unhappy,scared, guilty.

they r not the same thing...
one is a positive reinforcement and the other is a negative reinforcement..

same with internship..
why do i go to wards.
1. i go because it gives me a feeling of doing something worthwhile.

2. i go because if i do not go ,i am under the constant fear of the houseman's phone call, there is a feeling of restless agitation.. guilt.etc

most of the times it is the later...for most of us.

so internship is a religion..intern nama.

INTERNAL ANGST ....

My life in triplicate,xeroxed and attested!!
Every single sheet of document since the time i was born,
my birth certificate,domicile,nationality certificate,passport,school passing,10 mark sheet,12 mark sheet....all medical years marksheet...internship doing,internship completion...provisional registration...permanent registration.
yes,MY ENTIRE LIFE made in triplicate, duly attested by a gazzeted officer,has been submitted to joshi madam.
it is proof that i lived,i exist and i have an identity.
every single footprint while i walk the metaphorical path of my li8fe has been PHOTOCOPIED!!
Joshi madam revels in the knowledge of the power she wields over us.Anything less than 10 sheafs of paper (photocopied and attested mind you) is SACRILEDGE!how dare you? HOW DARE YOU...forget to attach the passing certificate? yery ahe ka tu?murkh manus!!(are u mad?idiot!) then dont come and say why your application did not get forwarded to the dean, then dont say why your admit card or hall ticket or salary not reach you...


now recently we had to fill our All India forms for the post graduate emtrance exam. And miracle of miracles! they required NO DOCUMENTS. none! zilch! it was a simple process of filling form getting stamp of dean and sending the form to AIIMS.
This was Joshi madam's worst night mare come true. NO XEROX,unheard of! This collassal mistake must be rectified. and so she came up with an ingenious plan...

To get the dean's stamp we now had to get an undertaking from the local lawyer stating that we were interns and bound by law to do what we were asked to do...(or something of that sort)...costing Rs 100.then the usual 10+ photocopied documents , plus pay the college office rs 200 for all the trouble they r taking. And then xerox the receipt of the rs 200 just to add insult to injury!So in all an extra rs 300 +xeroxes.


i paid up,i submitted my photocopied life. i am no mahatma gandhi who stood his ground against injustice.
but this blog is my mini revolution .my revolt.my INTERNAL ANGST.

i live in a hospital....

Yup i live in a hospital,
not just work , or stay, or exist...but i wholly LIVE and breath a hospital..it is my home.
ways to find out if u do too.

1. your bag contains forms ,labels,and edta bulbs..
and u r more possesive about them than your wallet or cell..

2.u wake up in the morning to find three ways and iv catheters among your dirty clothes ..and the only thought in your mind is..atleast they r sterile..unlike ur blood stained apron.

3.u meet a person for the first time and notice there veins.

4.u postpone,prepone or cancel your dates according to ur emergencies.

5. u wake up in the morning in your bedroom and , wonder which ward sideroom this is..

6. even on a sunday ,u walk up two flights of steps to drink the coffee outside the surgery OT...because u r used to coffee made that way.

these r but a few ..for i have run out of time..
but i acutely feel i live in a hospital when i walk down it's corridors at 3 or 4 in the morning having slept for 2 hours in some side room during an emergency, and the corridors are filled with sleeping relatives of patients...and i think ,they r just tourists, guests in my home..

happy independance

what does the freedom sruggle mean to an intern:

1.tum mujhe khun do main tumhe aazadi doonga- collection karo completion lo.

2. chalo dilli- aiims exam

3. bharat chhoro aandolan- USMLE and PLAB exam

4. non cooperation movement- troubling your cointerns.

5. civil disobedience movement- switching of your cell so houseman can not call u.!!!